Scott Romsomair of VGCats did it first, but this is more amateurish and juvenile. Therefore: FOUR LEGS GOOD TWO LEGS BAD. I mean, therefore: MY SUPERIORITY IS UNQUESTIONABLE.
…Wait, I violated my “no referencing George Orwell after 6 o’clock” pact again… that thing IS SO HARD TO STICK TO. What was I thinking when I agreed to it?! :O
Once again it is just a comic update for today and some links… but on the 6th of August, to both celebrate and subvert the Australian release of Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs, Morbidiculous will be reviewing a perfectly ordinary, unlimited edition copy with no outstanding features purchased from one of the numerous chain retail stores. That doesn’t sound like much of a treat for anyone who’s been investing their energy into Morbidiculous, but for all you know, I could have just downloaded a copy and watched it already and am just purchasing a copy to assuage my unbearable guilt… BUT YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A PRETTY MISTRUSTFUL AND CYNICAL INDIVIDUAL TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION. Let’s hear no more about it!
Here are some great links, as vaguely alluded to:
A non-bulleted list of “retronyms”, which you would assume is just another annoying neologism (like tweens, or metrosexual) of this decade, the noughties, until you read this. Oh no, I actually used “noughties” as a description of this decade and am guilty of my own linguistic crimes! I’ll come quietly, officers. :(
Zombie Harmony, the world’s first and foremost dating site for the undead! It’s just traditional zombie dating, however; vampires and werewolves everywhere, you guys are ineligible. BLAME THE OUTDATED AND OPPRESSIVE POLICIES OF THE VATICAN. >:C
Ask Palpatine. Palpy, you have some ’splaining to do!
Aww, he’s learnt his lesson. :)
Finally, Enter the Ninja, an information and propaganda website advancing the charitable causes of ninja everywhere… through merchandise sales! HOW THE MIGHTY STEALTHY HAVE FALLEN.
“If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!”
Oh… Palpatine? …You’re still here? I… I guess you can stay for a while. :/
There. Now I have thoroughly explored two opposing sides to the issue of identifying sweet potatoes… EVERYTHING IS MORALLY RELATIVE WHEN YOU GET INVOLVED WITH VEGETABLES. :O
Links for a brighter yet somehow more jaded future:
Now there are those out there who would accuse Morbidiculous of exploring only stupid, trivial things (and these people are faceless and limitless in their evil, by the way), but I am CONFIDENT that this will silence them:
If you are still here after seeing that link then there is clearly no hope for civilising you, I’ll just move on to the next link and wonder regretfully where your upbringing went terribly wrong! (it was a Thursday)
The story of Hiroo Onoda, one man who just stubbornly refused to believe his country could lose a war. I don’t recall all of the seven virtues, but I’m pretty sure that stubborness is written on there somewhere! Keep looking for it until your opinion matches mine… you’ll know when! :)
Pokemon or no, that was the last ever adventure in the outside world AGAIN! From now on all of my adventures will take place sitting down. >:(
Thankfully the Pokemon lifestyle is very acheivable these days, with all of the advances in graphics and hardware of the new handheld DS system! Now there is no need for fresh air or sunlight or exercise to ever enter into the equation again.
Anyway, there have been more problems! For example! I was supposed to be talking about Kung Fu Panda and The Dark Knoght today (and that hilarious misplaced “o” will stay where it is) but instead you have to look at Pokemon… it’s a long and (say it with me) tedious story!
Thoughts on Batman: Great! If you only see one film this year, choose Batman, and forget to take any children you may have with you. It’ll break their hearts and provide them with a generous supply of hostility towards you for the rest of their lives. Batman is THAT good.
But! To disagree with the general popular consensus (and I am ALL ABOUT disagreeing with popular consensus) I think that Heath Ledger was probably the weakest part of the film. If only he wasn’t dead and an endless source of morbid comedy for talk show hosts, people might agree with me! Damn! But at the moment I just seem like a cruel, jealous monster who likes to kick him while he’s down (and by down, I am not attempting to make a joke about the depth of his grave. THAT WOULD BE TASTELESS AND SOMEBODY ELSE ALREADY MADE THAT JOKE TO ME TODAY)
So, back to adventures in 1998! Pokemon! How about it.
Oh. Now I remember why I stopped playing Pokemon!
Plus I sat on my gameboy and the colour stopped working. :(
Links? Well, just the one!
To sound like a fairly typical whining internet nerd in all of his glory, Red Vs Blue has truly jumped the shark with its latest series! But unless it is one of those deadly and ferocious land sharks, they should be okay. LAND SHARKS: THEY ARE THE MOST DEADLY SHARKS OF ALL. >:(
Alright, that should clear up any confusion people have been having! :|
There have been further problems with the bwog today, so things will be kept to a minimum! In particular, do not visit the Hyrule On Life page, something has gone MORBIDICULOUSLY wrong with the coding there. Even Bomberman himself could not solve that problem!
…
Now I’m just being ridiculous. Bomberman can do anything. :)
Links?
Stiltman is a supervillain from Marvel Comics with a slightly less impressive resume of evil deeds than his peers, but he recently passed away in the Civil War… in the name of Morbidiculous, please donate a Pangolin and help feed his starving widow and orphans. :(
The Super Mario Marathon, the most successful of a wide variety of organisations dedicated to raising money for charity by the unlikely method of sitting around playing games for a long stretch of time, has just recently wrapped up AND raised over $11,000 for the Child’s Play Charity. Good going guys! I wouldn’t mind getting on the bandwagon myself. My game of choice? Kirby’s FRIGGIN’ Dreamland. My worthy cause? The resurrection of apartheid! ……DONATE NOW.
You may have remembered Morbidiculous promising a SPECIAL update this week… well, there have been some unforseen problems in that regard, mostly thanks to some HTML problems and general internet stupidity! (plus the “n” key on this laptop has picked up a defiant streak, probably from those rebellious numpad keys. They are ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE.)
You will be left today only with the imposing bust of the great Emancipator (or as I like to think of him, the great Imposernator) reminding you to
“Drive safely, and carry a big stick!!”
buuuuuuut I think he might just be confusing himself with Teddy Roosevelt. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings!? :/
A link to further Theodore Roosevelt quotations? Thank you, the wide and bewildering world of the internets! You have once again saved my relationship with a former world leader! Good day and good night.
Anybody with any interest at all in gaming, like Morbidiculous certainly CLAIMS to have, knows that E3 is currently taking place. So to continue giving a feeble impression that we do, here is the latest coverage from Kotaku, Gamespot, N4G, and 1UP.
And thankfully, Games Radar is currently doing a special weekly feature on… the booth ”babes” at the convention. Which is great, because I was just wondering if they could go one day without using the word “sexy” as a noun and making me feel ashamed and embarassed to ever label myself a gamer!
Um, whoops. Freudian slip! I meant to say IT’S GIRILLS LOL AM I IRATE RIGHT GUYS
If you are asking yourself “whoops, what implications does this have for my soul and I”, then I’m afraid you are ASKING THE WRONGGUY. >:I
Today’s featured game of spectacular antiquity: Nightmare Creatures!
Most people have never even heard of Nightmare Creatures, which I suppose is just as well… the average person probably doesn’t have the stomach for it. YOU WERE WARNED.
Nightmare Creatures was released in 1997 for the Playstation and PC (and later a few other systems), and with truly astonishing speed it plunged into… mediocrity, I guess! It kind of failed to make a huge impression on anybody at all, which is strange because it had a lot of the key qualities necessary for a successful game: rudimentary graphics, a variety of horrible monsters, TWO gender dysmorphically different protagonists, and a huge selection of weapons! (gaming expectations were a lot more relaxed in 1997 you see)
In the game, you played as either Ignatius or Nadia, and you had to stop the mad and/or insane schemes of Adam Crowley, the details of which I can’t actually recall with much clarity, but I do remember for years mistaking him for the actual historical figure, which I’m sure was the designer’s intentions ALL ALONG.
There were new monsters introduced in every level, and huge boss monsters, and a werewolf, and at the end Crowley turned into a gargoyle and tried to throw you off a church, and it was all very very exciting! And then it faded into obscurity. :/
Oh well. It borrowed a lot of the horror elements from Resident Evil and the tomb raiding adventure gameplay (among other things) from Tomb Raider. But seriously, it was great.
Hacking zombies apart in Victorian London did NOT lose its appeal quickly, and I remember enjoying the trek through Nightmare Creatures a lot more than the similar nightmare related gameplay of either Resident Evil or Tomb Raider - I think it was due to the advanced decapitation engine present in the game. It was truly… AHEAD… of its time! :O
QUESTION! WAS that pun the true reason I chose to look back on Nightmare Creatures?!
I’ve spent this post talking about Nightmare Creatures, but it’s the photo of Rushdie on that piece of news reporting that chills me to the bone… it’s the finest day of his life and they can’t even provide a non bug eyed picture of him? I guess it’s still an incredible honour… if you can call that living. :(
I was not intending to post anything today, but here is a photo I have titled “What Was In My Fridge on the 28th of August, 2006″. Greek yoghurt is a KIND of a comic? :/
Preserved for future generations. :(
In reference to the title of this post: I refuse to invest myself emotionally in anything at all whatsoever anymore! Today’s “inconconsequential in the real world” news: Fallout 3 has been refused classification in Australia. I have a new list of things that suck: THIS. :(
If you are curious about the particulars, it’s the highly mature content present in the game that has caught the eye of the OFLC.
GET OUT OF THE WAY EXPLODING HEAD MAN, NOBODY WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU.
Don’t be so dense!! It’s the glorification of drug use I am talking about here! We have no time for exploding heads when drugs are busy corrupting the minds and bodies of our post apocalyptic future generations!
Finally: I have updated the FAQ page. So now visitors to Morbidiculous can go look at that and be confused by the kinds of questions I think people would ask! More power to them!
I think this neatly explains all of the recent events in my life! Like those Capri pants I once bought… it was HIS FAULT.
Do you know what I think? Don’t say “yes” please because that means you have either developed terrifying psychic abilities or are just trying to irritate me… and the consequence for you is a slap either way. To everybody else, here is what I thought: this blog needs a little bit more of the “morbid” promised by the title… and I know just the ridiculously outdated game to reminisce about for that!
Space Station Silicon Valley
In Space Station Silicon Valley (not affiliated with the Uncanny Valley!… probably), you were a murdering robot named Evo! This particular robot (named Evo, it’s important) could use his robotic magic to possess the inanimate corpses of the animals he had killed, and then use their unique abilities to achieve his goals… to be honest his goals revolved around more killing! IT WAS A UNIQUE GAME.
It was one of the most acclaimed puzzler/murder simulator games of the 1990s, and the developers behind it went on to become Rockstar North. You probably recall something about them also making another great murder simulator, the Grand Theft Auto series.
And Lemmings! :O
ALWAYS PROVOKING CONTROVERSY!
Back to the game: it really was a great game, and it holds up well! The cartoony character and level design belied the very mature sense of humour it had, and if you’ve ever played Grand Theft Auto, you’d be familiar with the kind of ironic thing I’m talking about! Sheep, hippos, depictions of violence, etc, etc. In a lot of ways in reminded me of Meet the Feebles if I had been allowed to watch that when I was 10 and in dire need of some hormonal development, but unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that Peter Jackson had nothing to do with its development (note to self: find out if this is at all correct).
Plus, the sidekick character, DAN DANGER, kind of had a fuglified, “genetically spliced with a pumpkin”, Dilbert charm to him. That’s great too! I looked up a photo on Google Image Search for reference, without success, but I DID manage to find something even better:
And that is as terrifying a note as any to end this post on! I’ll finish with a link to an actual review, just in case a badly posed retrospective by a complete stranger on the internet isn’t enough to convince you of the merits… OF… SPACE… STATION… SILICON… VALLEY!
I will see you on Monday with an update to Hyrule On Life and perhaps a speeeecial, mystery bonus! For this weekend, I’ll just leave you with that amusing depiction of child abuse at the top of the page!
But then again it always is. :/
EDITED NOTATION: Wikipedia apparently considers New Zealand humour a valid topic for its own article! It’s ABOUT DAMN TIME. >:(
No Pangolins today? Life is certainly full of interesting twists! For example: I would never have thought I had it in me to live for another thirty years!
In a reprisal of yesterday’s lack of real content, here is another Goosebumps video! This time, it’s the The Blob That Ate Everyone. I think you’ll agree that the title is making a lot of promises. Everyone? Your average blob usually isn’t capable of gastronomical feats like that. I would have recommended that it start at something a little bit easier, like “the majority of” or “a large division of the population” and then work its way up to “everyone”.
The Blob That Ate Everyone, Part One
The Blob That Ate Everyone, Part Two
Holy moley.
I have thought up an alternate title for today’s entry: “Today, I… realise the entertainment value of just posting links to youtube Goosebumps videos”. It really makes finding content a breeze! Now I can just rest on my laurels!
Well, in that case… can I go play Super Mario Brothers instead? :(
“Okay”
What the hell. Here is the last thing I saw before Mario died… Clearly my Mario skills are less impressive than I’ve previously boasted… and I’m wearing a t-shirt right now that says “I am the greatest there is in mario-playing abilities and will prove it upon being challenged”! And worse still, I wore it to a Super Mario Brothers-themed party and accepted a challenge for midnight, tonight!
HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE?! :O
Closing remarks: Did you know that Satanism is everywhere and we are constantly being exposed to it? Because www.exposingsatanism.org is still on the case! They are without question one of my favourite paranoid delusional webrings out there and are a great source of inadvertent entertainment. Drop in on them to praise their efforts or just mock their weird beliefs like the smug, self righteous bastards I know you have the potential to be. GODSPEED. >:O
THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS. NOT WITH A BANG, OR EVEN A WHIMPER… it was kind of a squeal?
If I had a wishlist (it’s more constructive than my enemy list), it would just be “pangolin” over and over again until all life on Earth shut down. The Pangolin is an animal I would really like to draw your attention to, and definitely for humanitarian reasons and not just because it looks like what would happen if Mother Nature published a first draft!
A larger and more Marlon Brando-esque variety of pangolin also exists, appropriately called the Giant Pangolin. Feel free to laugh at its amusing appearance… Pangolins hunt for laughter. >:O
In more Goosebumps-focal news, yes, Troy Steele did write his retrospective and I was not disappointed! That is what I am reduced to, getting excited about a blog dedicated to a discontinued children’s series! And not even a high quality one, like Animorphs. You should smell the paper Goosebumps was printed on… to me, it smells like a happy childhood! And mildew.
Nostalgia: One. Sinuses: Zero. :(
And you know what? Let’s see if further Goosebumps amusement can be had from watching the Goosebumps TV series on youtube.com?
One Day At Horrorland, Part Two!
Did I say “amusement”? I meant “astoundingly bad production values”.
My favourite part of that video was when the monster said “Let’s get them!” and then… they almost got them! :o
I’ll leave you today with YET ANOTHER THOUGHT PROVOKING CARTOON
Ferrets aren’t cute enough to have welfare organisations! THAT IS WHERE THE SYSTEM FAILS. :(
In case there is anybody actually still reading these or following my banal exploits, I did NOT find that Atari. But my search will continue and I assure you, the internet will be the first person to hear ALL about it! EVERY DETAIL.
Here’s a link to a somethingawful.com article about just how much people hate Diablo III already! It’s… it’s kind of related to a previous comment I made about Diablo III? I’m confident that you’ll buy that explanation!
A few announcements: I will be completely changing the layout and messing around the design until I find something that matches what I’m looking for! Send me some hate mail if this displeases you… it will be the first of any reader mail at all, and you know all that spite you packed into it? It will taste like delicious, nutritious, Crab Spawn Cakes to me.
True or False: Crab Spawn Cakes… better than Soylent Green?
I hope you all come away from this knowing just that little bit more than you did before. Knowledge is half the battle! Hopefully the half of the battle before all of my guys retreat in a total panic and get slaughtered… stupid unit AI in Rome: Total War. >:O
Today I am going to talk for a little while about my favourite and a half thing in the world: Choose Your Own Adventures! Wait. I’m wrong. Adventures are great and all, but I prefer something in the variety of a nightmare… and I was not disappointed. Choose Your Own Nightmare!
I only had the first title in my collection (the werewolf-orientated book seen above), but I have to admit that the concept behind
is an intriguing one! If I were a famous film producer, this is the point I would be saying, “Richard Brightfield, I am a famous film producer and here is a lot of money. I want you to take your book and make me this summer’s blockbuster.” and then Richard Brightfield would say, “Do you mean the one about the magical mirror that turns people into freaks?” and I would say, “I know it sounds stupid but come on.” and then we would probably have some more witty banter and then go to lunch.
It is getting a little bit late and I have some time free on my hands… what would be a good use of the time I have left? Given the choice: I’d like to fulfill one of my childhood fantasies by going camping in the woods of Maine, having a horrifying but non-fatal encounter with a werewolf or serial killer or bigfoot of some variety, and then maybe finish off the day back at camp with a big bowl of hale and hearty camping chili? Would I like to do that?
Yes. Yes I certainly would. :|
But unfortunately an Atlas has just interrupted my train of thought with a cow of reality on the line… Maine is at least one fair-sized continent away and it gets dark soon. Looks like that’s a childhood fantasy fulfillment for another day! :(
Maybe another time, Jason? :(
So instead I have decided to spend the afternoon looking for an old Atari that I AM POSITIVE is still around here somewhere. WILL my efforts be in vain?! Find out tomorrow! (It could even extend into the realm of a… trilogy?)
But here are two final links; one to today’s dinosaur comic that I really “dug”, and the second to a slightly less dinosaur-related article from 1up.com about the genteel past-time of cheating in gaming (it validates all of our previously held opinions for us!) Thank you.
Uh-oh. My standards are falling already…a spelling error? It’s become an INCOHERENT MESS! Just in time for your American Independance Day! Congratulations! ANOTHER YEAR OF STABLE GOVERNMENT FOR EVERYONE.
Troy Steele, the writer of the world’s most hair-raising blog, Blogger Beware, has finished the original 62 book masterpiece of R.L Stine, and he will be concluding this week with a retrospective… of his own retrospective?! WELL, I’m still unreasonably excited about it! I have been trying to get other people to feel unreasonable excitement with me about Goosebumps and Blogger Beware for years now – the only twist ending I have been getting is one with threats of violence from loved ones. :/
And I will end this travesty of a post with an interesting lexicological fact: most modern European place names ending with the word -”chester”, like Manchester, are derived from the Ancient Roman word castra, meaning “camp” or “fort”, because they were once the site of one of their garrisons.
And then the Romans and the dinosaurs were all wiped out by Asterix, as is my recollection of early human development. :D
Phew! Looks like another chapter of my life is all WRAPPED UP INTO A NEAT CONCLUSION!
…for now.
If you are anything like me (and I’m confident that guy over there is), the use of gaming auteur Will Wright’s Spore to create pornography is probably something that has perked your interest lately. Wait, seriously, it has? YOU JUST NODDED. I can’t believe you’re admitting it! I was just saying it to see if you would! Freak.
The fuss has mostly died down by now, but before the fad has completely dried up as a source of easily exploited entertainment, I’d like to point the finger at Games Radar for commiting the most heinous Spore-related crimes: Pokemon-themed Sportions.
And you thought that this was going to be JUST ANOTHER BORING OLD GAMING BLOG!!
This week I have also been playing a lot of Metal Gear Solid 4, and there are quite a few things that can be said about it, mostly complaints! Too convoluted, too cutscene-heavy, too reliant on previous games in the series for depth, too many geriatrics… and they are all equally legitimate issues I’ll be covering in my review later. But the fact of the matter is that the Metal Gear series does what it does well, and it’s still worth a look, especially if you’re a rabid fanboy like I’m going to PRETEND NOT TO BE.
OH AND here are a few extra comics I have wasted my morning doing, some of them are based on my experiences in Metal Gear Solid. Make of them what you will!
This has been happening a lot to me lately.
My review of Metal Gear Solid 4 compressed into the form of a comic!
You brought it upon yourself Mr Whiskers! >:(
They’ll all be going on my Coffee-Stained Comicspage along with some silly annotations if you are interested in seeing them!
Finally, developments that are still probably developing:
http://memorisofagrizzledgameruk.blogspot.com/ is the embarassingly mispelled URL of the Grizzled Gamer, who I feel both love and respect for sometimes when I am in the mood for it. Visit him and treat him like you would treat a raw egg… WHO KNOWS WHAT’S INSIDE.
That’s probably going to have to be it, for today!
When you heard the news I hope that you carried yourself with a little more grace and poise than I did, but looking back on it, I don’t think I was even a colossal fan of Diablo I or II back when I was ten and not yet jaded to murder and destruction like I am today. It’s SO UNFAIR the way that happens! >:[
Nonetheless! It DOES look interesting enough to hold attention spans by the throat for at least a little while, the new Witchdoctor class is but the first of the new features, and WOULD YOU BELIEVE I just remembered that Blizzard have yet to really screw anything up in their entire history! Unless you count the opinions of millions of angry gaming nitpickers… and nobody does. :(
In other news, would you believe that today is Canada Day? Or as those Canucks would call it, Canada Day? To redundantly conclude: Happy Canada Day, Canadians everywhere!
Scott Romsomair of VGCats did it first, but this is more amateurish and juvenile. Therefore: FOUR LEGS GOOD TWO LEGS BAD. I mean, therefore: MY SUPERIORITY IS UNQUESTIONABLE.
