It has been an exceptional amount of time since the last entry, but there is good reason for this, if you will indulge me by skipping directly to the end! If you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO look at the comic, this particular comic has been held in reserve for over six months now and I think the public is finally ready to handle the uncomfortable truth that it speaks - wall to wall text in a comic is tedious and boring. 

It’s true what they say, art intimidates life! 

If your experiences of unemployment are anything like this, it is probably just as well that you are not working in the public sector! Personally I believe that it would be society’s great loss, but I also thought that Tales of the Bounty Hunters was the magnum opus of the entire science fiction genre so these opinions are things that should be kept under sedation and surrounded by armed guards at all times in the future.

The next update should be a much larger and more interesting thing to read if that is the kind of thing that catches you by the khakis - Morbidiculous has been working on several side projects that should hopefully be ready in the next week or two! This is where enthusiasm comes to die. >:(

 Salt of a vinegar, that’s just in bad taste. A screengrab from The Lion King would have done the job, but I had to exhume and pervert a beloved acting icon to illustrate the point. There’s nowhere to go but up!

And here it is, faster then I thought: the end. :o

It probably says something about the quality of these comics that parts that get cut off by a rebellious scanner and replaced by a Microsoft Paint editing job can actually result in an improvement! I mean seriously guys, wow, lookit that, a consistent font! : O

Anyway, I do not think this is a particularly good Morbidiculous comic. The best part of this comic is probably the title for this overall entry! Even that is a pretty unsophisticated reference, but it’s not like there’s an option to edit it right next to it on the blog dashboard or anything. Jeez you guys with your “simple solutions to retarded problems”.

Mellow hello, everyone anyone! You’ve been rewarded for your patience/apathy over this trying period: I am going to get right down to BUSINESS and not try to be the hero. This is an efficient overall policy for both hostage situations and blog posts.

Do werewolves deserve your sympathy? Maybe this will answer your questions.

Okay, probably not.

It’s time for part 3 in what I like to call “A Series of Unfortunately Named Wars”!

The Pig War

In today’s hastily-skimmed-through-barely-understood-just-looking-for-capitalised-words news:  http://www.scribd.com/doc/13731776/Tracking-GhostNet-Investigating-a-Cyber-Espionage-Network

The discovery of the Chinese government’s GhostNet is kind of a terrifying and ominous development in world affairs, until I realised it probably has no association with SkyNet. IS THAT GOOD THING OR A BAD THING.

I TAKE IT BACK SKYNET, PLEASE REIGN IN YOUR MURDERBOT

Note: to see the today’s comics in its pure, unadulterated format, you will need to save  and open it with your usual opening program! Fun and games in editing programs!

The most observant of you may have noticed that it’s been a particularly long period of inactivity since the last post! Well, I hope you like it when trends continue, because that means I don’t have to complete this sentence and in doing so, save myself valuable vowels for

We’d like to hope everybody of whatever dominant denomination they may be enjoyed Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and the weeklong event that is the Festival of International Beaver Smuggling. This year is apparently NOT going to provide us with many surprises (even a MERE CHILD could have predicted that it was going to be odd-numbered) but all the same, let’s give it the same support and love we might give a more numerically significant year,  like 2010. After all, we’re still another year closer to the Mayan end-of-times. :)

In the spirit of some deeply cynical and unfestive holiday, here are some links provided, WITHOUT CONTEXT:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swedenborgianism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Line_of_succession_to_the_British_Throne

http://listsgalore.blogspot.com/2008/10/10-unusual-monuments-to-rub-kiss-or-pat.html

http://homelesstales.com/2008/07/famous-people-who-have-been-homeless/

http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/

http://listsgalore.blogspot.com/2008/08/25-awesome-foods-you-never-knew-could.html

http://www.dailybits.com/5-terrific-twitter-uses/

http://listverse.com/bizarre/top-10-unusual-food-combinations/

http://moronland.net/moronia/moron/1025/

http://mywiki.ws/The_Most_Unusual_Books_of_the_World

http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22167/37205

Enjoy it, and don’t eat anymore of that fruitcake. I’m saving it for one of my funerals.

I knew I shouldn’t have drawn attention to it, somebody’s eaten it all just to be contrary. YOU’VE RUINED POST CHRISTMAS, WHORE. >:O

Today’s comic is a special historical guest comic that I’ve produced for Kate Beaton’s History Time livejournal webring!

You’re probably shaking your head and saying, “Seriously? Dude doesn’t update on Hallowe’en and then mistakes it for a day commemorating a sub-par, seccessionist Vice President?”

Oh, how little you know!

Most people would content to just say that and leave it hanging, but allow me to explain why I believe John C. Calhoun is the perfect modern figurehead for a holiday celebrating the occult and macabre:

WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE SCREAMING AND HUDDLING IN TERROR ALREADY! Jeez! It’s just a photo! No, the guy HASN’T returned from the dead to wreak vengeance on his Yankee tormenters; you people are always jumping to that conclusion and it only ever ends in panic and Swedenborgianism! I would have thought you’d learned by now. :/

Have you all calmed yourselves down? Good. There’s a time and place for mass hysteria, but I’m going to hide the map to it and break your watch. You stragglers at the back will just have to catch up later. Rory C. Calhoun was a fairly mediocre, underacheiving Vice President, but he has the distinction of being the least photogenic one ever! Van Buren, you can take five. Sorry, I know we said you were needed. :/

An interesting note is that if you followed the mysterious link to Wikipedia, you’ll be privy to a terrifying timeline of pictures taken of Calhoun throughout his lifetime, an experience that I’m going to compare to watching the evolution of car crashes! Gawkers are welcome and not expected to have to show respect for human dignity or tip! :)

It tugs at the heart and wang. It’s wangwarming.

Onto the next stage of today’s post: horrifying Halloween pictures!

Attempted live action Nintendo mascot/abomination, Kirby!

The “probably has a really great sense of humour and a nice complexion in the afternoon”, hagfish

The woman of my dreams:

I’m still feeling a little bit hungry, so I’ll order the son of my dreams as well:

The bones were the best part… but next time I might just get a baby salad. :/

I’ve saved the scariest for last:

AAAAAAAAGHHHH THE FERRETS ARE REVOLTING AND WILL PLACE US ALL UNDER THE DOMINATION WE DESERVE FOR YEARS OF FERRET OPPRESSION

Oh, wait, it’s okay. They’re just polecats.

To help you get into the belated Hallowe’en and Dia Los Muertes spirit, here are some spooktacular video links! … There was only one day in this entire year when was appropriate to use the word “spooktacular” and I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED IT. I’m not waiting around three hundred and sixty five days for the next one, somebody point me to the nearest suicidemobile! >:O

I Am Not Infected -A new zombie comedy series that has its moments. Of flesh eating and comedy!

– The History of Halloween, Part One… the rest follow shortly afterwards, use the power of your mouse to follow your destiny if you feel like it!

100 Classic Horror Film Posters

Japanese Instructions For Using the Nintendo DSi!

Top Ten Weirdest Halloween Costumes

Here are some links to youtube-sponsored, seasonally appropriate, bad horror movies that come highly recommended! Enjoy!

Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight!

Tales From The Crypt: Bordello of Blood! Warning: This film contains graphic scenes of awesomeness! Especially part 7.

Terrorvision!

Braindead!

Dead Heat!

Night of the Creeps!

The Star Wars Holiday Special!

Hmmm. One of these things is not like the other!

It isn’t the Star Wars Holiday Special, YOU GUESSED WRONG. >:(

Signing off with a picture of Morbidiculous’ Hallowe’en costume this year!

The scariest thing about it was the production values! :)

*shrugs* He tripped me. :(

In related incidences:

Just a small update for today!

Let’s all think back to a happier time! A time of Star Wars Holiday Specials and beards capable of sapience! That’s right, the Seventies!

Waaaait. I meant the Eighties. I hope I’m forgiven for confusing the two. :/

After that social embarassmeant, I have developed a method for distinguishing between the two decades…

… one of them features Ronald Reagan and the other doesn’t!

QED:

Thank you for your aid in this demonstration, sir. I’ll let you get back to your grave and history books.

“What’s this?! TWISTEEED SISTEEER?!”

Um, no, actually, crazy man who suddenly interupts blog posts! I commend you and your facial gymnastics, though! :/

Before departing, here are a couple of amusing video clips. It’s so much easier than actually writing content! Fellow fans of Little Shop of Horrors and awful children’s shows rejoice; I think these clips are self-explanatory without any need whatsoever for any context or background, right?

Consider that a tribute to the late, great, and possibly irate, Levi Stubbs!

You probably shouldn’t consider that a tribute, though. :/

Did you hear that!? He’s HOOKED! Once again, 80’s television is here to teach us an important lesson about the link between Nintendo and narcotics!

I’m so, so sorry for the title. I’ll never make a pun again!

…That’s a pledge I know I can’t keep. It will probably be broken by the end of this page. Keep your eyes peeled! :(

I wish I could tell you that I knew how this ended… probably happily? No, that’s just wishful thinking. And when I say wish, I don’t mean a genie was involved. Those guys are always trying to screw you over with their irony, anyway.

There is not a whole lot to report on! ALTHOOOOUGH… here is a scan I made of Adolf Hitler from Triumph of the Will in a kind of vaguely amusing posture:

You go get ‘em, tiger!

Alright, let’s say that was “by popular demand”. That’s a great phrase to use when you want to avoid personal responsibility!

Anyway, I thought that today I would express a fondness for Starcraft… here I go, I hope you ARE READY BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHETHER THOSE BUREAUCRATS IN WASHINGTON LIKE IT OR NOT. >:(

We here at Morbidiculous have a fondness for Starcraft, and are highly anticipating Starcraft 2, which is now for some reason being produced in a trilogy. I think there was a brief link to it in the last post. I’d look it up myself, but you need the exercise! Work those carpal tunnels!

Here is an article, fresh from 1up, with all of the facts and important details about Starcraft 2! Excited yet?! NO?! Well, maybe you should have spent more time writing erotic Starcraft fan fiction in your youth like we did, hmmmm?

Outside of this, a lot of fantastic games have been released lately. Farcry 2, Fallout 3, and probably a few more if I could be bothered getting up and looking at the latest issue of PC Powerplay which is sitting right over there. If you have a computer capable of running these games, let CERN know because they will need to borrow your processing power for a little while for their unholy experiments! At least, I think that’s what they spend their time doing, when they aren’t throwing those wild late night bloc parties that they’re also known for.

In other news, the global financial crisis continues, blah, blah blah blah blah, and apparently the use of several phrases from the Koran has delayed the Playstation 3 game LittleBigPlanet, but we aren’t exactly going to get up in arms about it. You know what is more interesting? According to urban legend, the breakfast staple, the croissant, was named and designed to commemorate the end of the Siege of Vienna in 1529, as a reference to the crescent on the flag of the defeated Ottomans (which, as we ALL know, is the international symbol for Islam… … and sleepy times everywhere)

If this is true, as all urban legends everywhere have a tendency to be, then it was certainly the ultimate act of disrespect to their foes! ADMIRABLY DESPICABLE! I TIP MY HAT TO THOSE VIENNESE JERKS. :)

However, suddenly… breakfast has taken a much darker tone. |:[

No! You fool, look out! It’s a trap!

He’s done for. There’s nothing we can do. :(

….

Oh well! No reason to let that ruin the Dias de la Muerte festivities! :D

In lieu of a comic today, Morbidiculous is going to draw your attention to the dire situation occurring at this very moment down at the local video store. ACTING LOCALLY, THINKING GLOBALLY. FLYING INTERNATIONALLY AND AT ECONOMY CLASS RATES.

Two ordinary copies of John Carpenter’s legendary film duo, Escape From L.A and Escape From New York, are the victims of what I can only presume is a cruel Halloween prank. Observe!

What did you spy with your little eye? The correct answer to that question is: inconsistent eyepatch shennanigans! :o

In all my years of criticising things with emotional significance to other people, I have never been more shocked and appalled. The continuity issues alone! How can we ever trust Snake Plissken again? I tell you, WE CANNOT. Frankly, I expected FAR BETTER FROM THE LIKES OF A COLLABORATION BETWEEN KURT RUSSELL AND JOHN CARPENTER.

The Thing, now that was a film! Even the absence of eyepatches can be overlooked… for the time being. If you’re living your life correctly, you should be automatically mentally inserting them into every film you watch anyway.

Rear Window? Check.

WALL-E? Of course!

Pirates of the Carribbean? I can’t see any reason not to – HEY! Don’t try to screw me up like that, that’s not funny. >:o

Importantly, however, now that this issue has been identified, we can get to work SOLVING it! Let’s all put the “end to world hunger and poverty” project aside for now and start afresh! And let’s be honest… it was a silly, flight of fancy idea to begin with!

Links and news:

Starcraft 2 trilogy announced; Blizzard cites “extreme lack of not quite enough money yet”

Actually…. that’s kind of it, for now! There have been interesting events in the world (Stephen Harper and his conservative party of Canada are riding high!) but nothing has recently been peaking my interest enough for me to work up the energy required to drag and click a mouse on it. QUIT SLACKING OFF AND GET A REAL JOB, POPULAR CULTURE. >:|

Seriously, don’t make me resort to being capable of entertaining myself for five minutes! BECAUSE I SWEAR, I WILL DO IT.

However, before I sign off, here is a message from our political sponsors.

He’ll fight for your right to free speech and soil erosion. But still… he’s an amoral bastard.

And a tantalising glimpse at next time’s comic:

WHAT COULD IT MEAN